When God Brings You Full Circle

5/4/26

“I’ve been here before.” It’s a thought most of us recognize. And not far behind it comes another: “How did I end up back here again?” That quiet unease—whether practical or spiritual—is something we all encounter at one time or another. It leaves us with the difficult task of deciding whether to retrace our steps to find clarity, or to push forward.

For many reasons, we can find ourselves coming full circle. Sometimes it feels like a refreshing new beginning; other times, it feels like the aftermath of devastation—leaving us wondering not only how we ended up here again, but where to go next.  In either case, we are standing at a beginning filled with questions that can be difficult to understand and even harder to trust through.  Full circles, whether born of hope or hardship, carry a deep uncertainty. In that uncertainty, we can either feel lost or become lost, depending on where we turn for wisdom and direction in those moments.

Forty-eight weeks and five days ago I lost my mom.  No matter the relationship ‘losing mom’ is always one of the most difficult transitions.  Care during her last year became more and more demanding.  In her last three months, I was with her all but three days. 

During these final months, the Lord uniquely blessed us; elevating caregiving to companionship. 

We enjoyed many hours well spent together - some of them hard to fill.  We’d watched more episodes of Heartland than either of us could count, until one day I said, “Hey Mom want to watch this woman who makes bags?”  Sewing videos on YouTube became our new routine.  

Before long, companionship turned into sewing buddies. 

She was always a purse lady!  Now she was even more intrigued by the process of making them! 

She began expressing her own gift of creativity and craftiness as she’d comment in amazement admiring each end product!Then companionship became coaching. 

She’d urge me on.  Her coaching went something like this: “You need to go sew! You can do that!! 

You better go now! I’m fine – you go sew!” 

Had we had opportunity to share all this earlier in life, I dare say she’d have become my manager and a tough one at that! Today she is still my encourager.  The voice I hear whenever I’m in doubt or unmotivated. 

Needless to say, losing her has brought me full circle.  The emotional weight alone was overwhelming but it was more than grief.  Immersed in elder care for seven years, hadn’t just been something I did alongside the rest of my life—it had become the center of it.  Everything else had existed around that role.

When she was gone, everything stopped.  I felt untethered, unsure of who I was or what came next. 

The ‘unsure of who I was’ part was most surprising.

Christ promises never to leave or forsake us- and he didn’t.  He promises to comfort in times of mourning - and He did.  The Rock on which I stood on never moved.  My faith and beliefs never wavered. 

Yet, I still felt lost and empty

It was more than finding a new routine or adjusting to life without, now, both parents.   I found myself starting over in ways I never expected.    Years of dedication and caregiving gave way to family tensions that bordered on conflict and strife.  Areas of neglect caused by the demands of caregiving became visible everywhere - physically, relationally, practically.  I was exhausted.

Had I taken for granted the certainties I believed were firmly established through my Christian growth? They certainly seemed non-existent now.  I found myself unable to fix my mind and character on “whatever is true, honorable, just, pure, lovely and loveable, gracious, virtuous, and excellent...” (Philippians 4:8).

Simply put, I was not exemplifying Christ’s character in navigating grief, family issues, personal relationships or even my own pursuits.  I was facing giants I thought had been conquered. Remaining in Him but feeling empty I found myself praying those familiar words:

“Lord, I’ve been here before.”   “How did I end up back here again? “

I had come full circle - back to a beginning I didn’t expect but one that steadied and corrected me despite everything. 

It was my 18-month old granddaughters’ reaction to being told she was ‘beautiful; fearfully and wonderfully made’.   Still non-verbal yet fully understanding, she responded with the most heartwarming smile, not only on her face, but in her eyes, and with an emphatic nod: “YES"

Out of the mouth of babes, comes His faithful guidance and voice.

The Lord impressed Psalm 139 deeply upon my soul.  Quietly obeying His prompting, I turned to it and remained there until His gentle reminder of our true beginning slowly reignited a good work in me again. 

Lifted out of self-condemnation – out of emotions, thoughts and actions contrary to who I had become in Him - I allowed Him to begin again ‘His’ good work in me. 

Even death cannot separate.

I miss my mother deeply, always.  Such a trial brought darkness and challenges I never expected.  However, coming full circle whether for good or in struggle is an opportunity for God to bless.  It reminds us where we began and of His faithfulness to complete His good work in us.   His faithfulness to complete the good work He began in us never ends. Even death cannot separate us from His love.

Our responsibility—alongside leaning into every verse of Psalm 139—is best found especially in its closing words. Verses 23 and 24 bring us into proper perspective as we daily and sincerely ask that we might be sanctified by Him and that He would lead us in ways that glorify Him.

“Search me thoroughly, O God, and know my heart; try me and know my thoughts.                     See if there is any wicked or hurtful way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting.”

Whether in weakness we bring ourselves full circle, or life’s circumstances take us there – we will be better prepared to begin again, gloriously, with the One who never leaves our side and is always faithful to restore us more deeply than and beyond where we were the last time we stood in that place. 

For more on how to lean into Psalm 139 – Visit my blog page for a 5 day focus that can help you build a foundation of truth to stand during those ‘full circle times’.